THINGS IN THE NATIONAL NEWS

18^th July 2019

In Oldcastle:

Cinema Cannibal – Does Oldcastle have Another Serial Killer?

Bodies have turned up in the boarded up cinema, which is more or less opposite the police HQ in Oldcastle (in Castle Hill). Obviously this is hugely embarrassing for the local police!

The cinema building was in the process of being gutted to turn it into a gym and health spa. The cinema went out of business in the late 90s, and the building has been derelict ever since.

The police are treating it as murder.

No details officially released yet ‘pending the identification of the victims’. But someone has leaked to the press that the bodies have been there for several years, and have been partially eaten. In a ‘cannibalism’ way, not a ‘gnawed on by rats’ way.

In Edinburgh:

The media frenzy around the Oldcastle Cinema Cannibal is only abated by these incidents in Edinburgh!

Fifth Arson Attack in 3 Days

A number of Edinburgh businesses have been the target of arson attacks. The premises are offices rather than shops or warehouses. They don’t seem to have anything in common: a solicitors, the HQ of a private bank, the HQ of a boutique hotel chain, a family firm of accountants and a funeral director.

There have been 2 deaths (solicitor working late; unknown person in the bank) and 1 person badly injured (person who lives in the flat above the accountants).

All the fires were set at or close to midnight. The media is speculating wildly about that factoid.

Fire Investigators say all the fires seem to have been set deliberately – definitely arson, not accident or electrical fire. The first 2 fires used the same accelerant. They are still investigating the other fires.

Police Raid on Edinburgh Terror Cell

Armed Police and Security Services made a raid on house in a fairly middle class area of Edinburgh. The neighbours heard doors being battered down, shots fired and things going bang. The official statements are about credible threats, financing terrorism and arms smuggling. Various automatic weapons have been displayed to the press. Far-right terrorism rather than Islamic terrorism is stated as the reason for the raid.

Two people were shot dead at the scene. Two people have been arrested. Their identity has not yet been revealed.

With a lack of actual facts, the media are interviewing the neighbours, who are prattling on about the occupants not being Muslim. They seem to know even less about their neighbours than the modern stereotype. Though in their defence, the occupants of the house only moved in a couple of months ago. The neighbours believed there was only a married couple living there, so they have no info on 2 of 4 occupants mentioned by the police. They think the wife is French (Claudia) and the husband (Ron? Don?) had a London accent.